Nurturing Emotional Wellbeing in Children: The Importance of Owning and Validating Feelings

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Parenting is an intricate journey that is filled with numerous emotional moments, both for ourselves as parents and for our children. It is essential that we, as parents, recognise and own our emotions without projecting blame onto our children. By acknowledging and validating our own feelings, we create an environment conducive to fostering healthy emotional development in our children.

Emotional Ownership:

One of the first steps in promoting emotional responsibility is acknowledging that our emotions are our own. As parents, we have a vital role in modelling healthy emotional regulation for our children. It is crucial to remember that our children are not responsible for causing our emotional responses. Often, our immediate reaction to our children's behaviour triggers an emotional response within us. However, instead of placing the blame on our children, it is essential to recognise and explore the origin of these emotions before addressing the situation with them.

 By owning our feelings, we can avoid projecting our frustrations onto our children, ultimately preventing them from experiencing an unnecessary burden of responsibility for our emotions. When we accept that our feelings are a result of our own experiences, stressors, and triggers, we can respond to our children's behaviour in a more thoughtful and productive manner.

The Impact of Emotional Ownership on Parent-Child Relationships:

Taking ownership of our emotions and avoiding blame can significantly impact our parent-child relationships. Children are highly attuned to their parents' emotional states, and when they perceive that they are being blamed for our feelings, it can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and a strained bond between parent and child.

 By demonstrating emotional responsibility, we create a safe and supportive space for our children to express their emotions openly. This environment fosters trust and enhances their emotional well-being. Our children will feel heard and validated, which, in turn, cultivates a stronger parent-child connection.

Validating a Child's Experience:

In addition to owning our own emotions, validating our children's experiences is equally important. Validation is the act of acknowledging and accepting someone's emotional reality without judgment or dismissal. When we validate our children's emotions, we communicate that their feelings are valid, real, and worth understanding.

 Validation helps children build emotional resilience and self-awareness. It teaches them that their emotions matter, that they have the right to feel the way they do, and that they deserve support and understanding. By validating their experiences, we equip them with vital skills for navigating their emotions effectively as they grow and develop.

Strategies for Emotional Responsibility and Validation:

 1. Self-reflection: Take the time to reflect on your own emotional triggers and explore the underlying causes. This understanding will enable you to separate your emotions from your child's behaviour.

2. Setting boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries to your child, ensuring that they understand what behaviours are acceptable or not. This proactive approach helps both parties to understand their roles in emotional situations.

3. Active listening: Truly listen to your child's perspective during moments of heightened emotions. Reflect back their thoughts and emotions to convey your understanding, even if you do not necessarily agree with their actions.

4. Empathy and validation: Empathise with your child's experience by acknowledging their emotions and expressing that you understand their perspective. This validates their feelings and encourages healthy emotional expression.

5. Practicing emotional regulation together: Teach your child how to regulate their emotions by modelling effective self-regulation strategies yourself. This collaborative approach strengthens your bond and allows your child to witness emotional responsibility firsthand.

As parents, it is our responsibility to create an environment that supports our children's emotional development. By owning our feelings, avoiding blame, and validating our children's experiences, we foster healthy emotional growth and strengthen our parent-child relationships. Remember, emotional responsibility is a lifelong journey, and equipping ourselves with these strategies will undoubtedly contribute to our children's overall well-being and success in life.

Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce

Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist - With You Allied Health Directors