RUOK? Day and What Does Being OK Even Mean?
Feeling "OK" might seem straightforward, but it’s far more nuanced than just ticking a box marked "fine." In psychology, being OK refers to a balanced emotional state where you're able to cope with life’s ups and downs, manage stress, and maintain healthy functioning. It’s a foundation for resilience, growth and mental well‑being. So, what does it truly mean to be OK, and why does it matter?
What Does “Being OK” Mean?
Being OK isn’t about unwavering happiness or having everything in perfect order. It’s more aligned with emotional regulation, adaptability and being able to handle challenges without feeling overwhelmed or broken. It’s that sense of being able to roll with what life throws at you, without being knocked off your feet.
Psychologists understand "being OK" as part of emotional well‑being - the capacity to understand, accept and manage emotions healthily, even in discomfort. It includes both the ability to cope with negative emotions and experience positive ones, without clinging to constant cheerfulness.
This balanced emotional state is mirrored in models of psychological well‑being, such as Carol Ryff’s six‑factor framework: self‑acceptance, positive relationships, autonomy, mastery of the environment, a sense of purpose, and personal growth. The Mental Health Continuum also describes well‑being as comprising emotional, social and psychological domains, not just the absence of distress.
Why Being OK Matters
Resilience in the face of stress
Emotional well‑being equips us to adapt to change, manage stress and bounce back from adversity.Flexibility over façade
Trying to stay perma-positive can backfire. Overemphasis on "always feeling good" often leads to suppressing valid feelings, a phenomenon known as toxic positivity. Recognising when you're not OK - and accepting it, can actually be healthier.Stronger social connections
Being emotionally aware and honest about how you’re tracking builds trust. Meaningful connection often comes from shared vulnerability and genuine presence..Self‑acceptance as a stepping stone
Accepting yourself, flaws included, is a powerful marker of well‑being. It allows for growth without self‑judgment, promoting autonomy, confidence and emotional balance .
What Being OK Is—and Is Not
It is…
Emotional balance—not being held captive by distress, nor dismissing discomfort.
Adaptive functioning—coping with responsibilities, relationships, transitions.
Self‑awareness—recognising how you feel, without harsh judgment.
A state of acceptance—knowing that discomfort is part of being human.
It is not…
Constant happiness or absence of struggle.
A default excuse for deeper issues. If someone masks deeper pain with "I’m OK," that can be a red flag.
Toxic positivity—encouraging cursory cheer instead of true acknowledgement.
Everyday Steps Toward Being OK
Self‑check with awareness
Take time to reflect—how are you really going? Quiet moments of reflection help you track your emotional state over time.Name what’s happening
Naming feelings can reduce their intensity. Whether you’re feeling stressed, sad, numb, irritated—being specific helps.Build routine supports
Consistent habits: sleep, movement, connection with others - nurture emotional equilibrium and sense of purpose.Honour all emotions
Allow yourself to feel without negating emotion. Sadness, frustration, disappointment. Every emotion is valid and worth acknowledging.Reach out when needed
Checking in with trusted people or professionals when you notice you’re not OK is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Feeling OK isn’t about perfection or never experiencing pain. It’s about embracing your full emotional experience with kindness, clarity and adaptability. When we allow ourselves to be human, with all its contradictions, we create space for growth, connection and resilience. That, truly, is being OK.
Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce
Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist – With You Allied Health Directors