How Many Requests We Get a Day Now vs 20 Years Ago – And What It’s Doing to Our Mental Health
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Imagine living in a world where your day wasn’t peppered with dozens of messages, notifications, reminders, emails, updates and pings. Just two decades ago, that was reality for most of us. We still had responsibilities, but the sheer volumeof requests we received—be it social, professional, or domestic—was significantly lower. Fast forward to today, and we’re navigating a 24/7 world of demands that has reshaped how we connect, work, parent, and live.
The modern human brain is receiving more requests, more frequently, than ever before. And for many, this constant barrage is leaving us mentally drained, emotionally stretched, and unsure of how to switch off. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed, snappy, or “touched out” by 10am, you’re not alone. The flood of micro-demands we now face each day is having a profound impact on mental health—and it's time we start putting boundaries back on the table.
Then vs Now: A Shift in Daily Demands
Twenty years ago, if someone needed you, they called your landline or left a message on your answering machine. Maybe they sent a letter. If you were out of the house, you were largely unreachable—and that was normal.
Today, we’re expected to be contactable at all times. With smartphones, work emails in our pocket, group chats, family calendars, and social media, our attention is constantly being divided.
Recent studies suggest the average person now receives over 100 notifications a day across various apps and platforms—not counting the emails, text messages, calls, voice memos, or in-person requests from family, friends and colleagues. By contrast, estimates from the early 2000s show this number was closer to 10-15 a day.
It’s not just the frequency that’s changed—it’s the expectation that we should respond quickly. We live in a culture of “instant reply,” where waiting more than a few hours to respond can be interpreted as rude, disorganised, or disengaged.
The Mental Load of Modern Living
Each request we receive—no matter how small—takes up mental space. Whether it’s “Mum, where are my shoes?”, “Can you send that report again?”, or “Just checking in—can you talk?”, our brains have to process, prioritise, and either action or store the information. Over time, this leads to what psychologists call cognitive overload.
Cognitive overload can contribute to:
Difficulty concentrating
Poor memory
Irritability and emotional fatigue
Sleep disturbances
Increased anxiety and burnout
Parents in particular are feeling this weight. The combination of work responsibilities, school communications, family scheduling apps, social messages, and endless group chats has created what many are calling an “always-on parenting culture.”
Why Boundaries Are Not Selfish—They’re Essential
With so many requests flying at us each day, learning to set boundaries is not just helpful—it’s essential for our mental health.
Boundaries are simply limits we set to protect our time, energy and well-being. When we don’t set them, we run the risk of overcommitting, resenting others, and losing touch with our own needs.
Healthy boundaries help us:
Reduce stress and burnout
Model emotional regulation and self-respect for our children
Reclaim time for rest, play, and connection
Respond intentionally, not react impulsively
How to Set Boundaries Around Modern Requests
Setting boundaries in today’s digital world takes intention and consistency. Here are a few strategies you can begin with:
1. Create ‘no notification’ zones
Designate times in your day when notifications are turned off. For example, no phones between 5–7pm or during family meals. This allows your brain a break from constant interruption.
2. Set email boundaries
Consider adding an email footer that sets the tone, e.g., “I check my emails twice a day and will respond within 48 hours.” This helps manage expectations and reduces pressure.
3. Use the delay
Just because someone messages you at 10pm doesn’t mean you need to respond at 10pm. Give yourself permission to pause, rest, and reply when you’re in the right headspace.
4. Establish ‘request-free’ time blocks
Schedule time where you don’t respond to requests at all—no messages, calls, or errands. Use it to read, take a walk, or simply be present with your thoughts.
5. Teach your kids about boundaries
Children and teens are growing up in this high-demand world too. Model saying no respectfully, prioritising downtime, and taking breaks from screens.
6. Use scripts to say no
Not sure how to set a boundary? Try:
“Thanks for thinking of me—right now I need to focus on family time.”
“I’d love to help, but I can’t commit to that right now.”
“Can we check back in next week? I’m at capacity this week.”
7. Recognise internal requests too
Not all requests are external. Many of us carry internal pressures like “I should reply right away” or “I have to help.” Challenge these with questions like, “Is this truly urgent?” or “Would I expect this from someone else?”
Reclaiming Space in a Noisy World
Putting boundaries in place doesn’t mean ignoring people or becoming disconnected. It means protecting your energy so you can connect meaningfully, without being stretched so thin that you have nothing left to give.
Boundaries are a declaration of value—for your time, your mental health, and your relationships. By observing what requests come your way, and consciously deciding which ones to accept, delay or decline, you create more room for peace, presence, and purpose.
And perhaps most importantly—you begin to show others, including your children, that it’s okay to protect your wellbeing in a world that rarely slows down.
Authors:
Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce
Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist – With You Allied Health Directors