How Adults Can Maximise Their Emotional Intelligence
Image by Олег Мороз@tengyart on Unsplash
Emotional intelligence—or EQ—is no longer just a buzzword reserved for corporate training sessions or psychology textbooks. It’s one of the most valuable assets we can develop as adults. Whether we’re managing a team at work, raising a child, navigating relationships, or simply trying to understand ourselves better, emotional intelligence plays a critical role in how we think, feel, and behave.
Unlike IQ, which tends to remain relatively stable over a lifetime, EQ is something we can actively grow and refine. And in a world where mental health, social connection and respectful communication are more important than ever, strengthening your emotional intelligence is a smart investment—not just for your wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of those around you.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions—while also being attuned to the emotions of others. It involves:
Self-awareness – recognising your emotions and their impact
Self-regulation – managing emotional responses appropriately
Motivation – using emotions to pursue goals with persistence
Empathy – understanding others’ emotions and perspectives
Social skills – navigating relationships and communication effectively
EQ is not about being “soft” or avoiding difficult emotions. It’s about using emotional information wisely—to make better decisions, build deeper relationships, and create more meaningful interactions.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
There’s a growing body of research showing that high emotional intelligence is linked to:
Better mental health and resilience
Greater job satisfaction and leadership effectiveness
Stronger interpersonal relationships
Improved conflict resolution
Greater empathy and compassion
Lower stress and anxiety levels
And for parents, educators and carers, building EQ is especially powerful. Children learn emotional regulation and empathy by watching the adults around them. Modelling healthy emotional intelligence creates a ripple effect across generations.
How to Maximise Your Emotional Intelligence as an Adult
Emotional intelligence is not a one-time skill—it’s a lifelong practice. Here are evidence-based ways to build and strengthen your EQ in daily life.
1. Tune In to Your Emotions
You can’t manage what you don’t notice. Begin by getting curious about your emotional world. Throughout your day, check in with yourself by asking:
What am I feeling right now?
Where is this emotion showing up in my body?
What might have triggered this?
It helps to expand your emotional vocabulary. Instead of just “good” or “bad,” practise naming feelings like “disappointed,” “irritated,” “overwhelmed,” or “hopeful.” Language helps us make sense of our experience.
2. Pause Before You React
One of the hallmarks of high EQ is the ability to pause and reflect rather than react impulsively. In moments of stress, anger or frustration, give yourself a beat:
Take a slow breath
Count to five
Ask: “Is this how I want to respond?”
This doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations—it means approaching them with intention and awareness rather than emotional reactivity.
3. Practise Self-Compassion
We all experience difficult emotions—and we all make mistakes. Emotionally intelligent adults are not perfect, but they are kind to themselves in the process of learning and growing.
Instead of self-criticism, try saying:
“This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“What would I say to a friend right now?”
Self-compassion builds resilience and lowers emotional reactivity over time.
4. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond
One of the most transformative EQ skills is active listening. That means being fully present with another person, without jumping in to fix, advise, or defend. Practise:
Making eye contact
Using body language that shows attentiveness
Reflecting back what you hear (“That sounds really frustrating”)
Asking open-ended questions to go deeper
True empathy starts with truly listening.
5. Regulate Your Emotional Triggers
We all have triggers—people, situations or words that set us off. Building EQ involves noticing these patterns and learning how to respond differently.
Start by identifying your triggers:
When do you tend to feel overwhelmed or shut down?
Are there repeated situations where you react strongly?
What thoughts do you have in those moments?
Then explore healthier ways to manage your response. This might involve setting boundaries, practising calming techniques, or reframing unhelpful thinking.
6. Seek Feedback and Reflect
Emotional intelligence isn’t built in isolation. Ask trusted friends, colleagues or mentors for feedback on how you come across emotionally. Do they see you as open, reactive, empathetic, assertive?
Reflection helps us identify blind spots and grow. Journaling is also a great tool—try reflecting on challenging moments, what you felt, what worked, and what you’d do differently next time.
7. Develop Emotional Literacy in Your Relationships
Invite others in your life—partners, kids, friends—to build emotional intelligence with you. Share your feelings openly, acknowledge theirs, and create safe spaces for honest conversations. Emotional intelligence is a shared skillset that strengthens every relationship it touches.
The Role of EQ in Parenting and Professional Life
Emotionally intelligent adults often find they’re better equipped to support children’s emotional development. They model calm responses, encourage emotional expression, and are more likely to validate rather than dismiss a child’s feelings.
In the workplace, EQ fosters better collaboration, leadership and resilience. It allows adults to manage conflict, build trust, and communicate with greater clarity and care.
As psychologists, we regularly see the impact of emotional intelligence across every aspect of life. It doesn’t just change how we interact with others—it changes how we understand ourselves.
And the best part? It’s never too late to start building it.
Authors:
Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce
Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist – With You Allied Health Directors