How to Support Your Child When You Do Not Celebrate Halloween, Even When It’s Everywhere
Image by Mark Duffel@2mduffel on Unsplash
When October rolls in, our supermarkets are drenched in cobwebs, our streets are lined with skeletons, and our children’s friends are buzzing about costumes, lollies and trick-or-treating. For families who choose not to celebrate Halloween, this can create a tricky tension: your values and home traditions may diverge from the dominant culture, and your child may feel left out, confused or even embarrassed. The good news is you can navigate this in a way that supports your child’s sense of belonging, identity and emotional well-being.
Understand what your child might be experiencing
Even if Halloween is not part of your family’s tradition, your child still sees the decorations, hears the chatter, and may feel excluded or curious. They may ask questions like “Why can’t we do that fun stuff?” or “Will my friends be laughing at me if I don’t join?” Developmentally, children are highly attuned to social norms and peer behaviour, and when they perceive themselves as different, it can impact their self-esteem and sense of safety. Research shows that the holiday environment can feel overwhelming for some kids, even when they do participate, let alone when they don’t.
So your role is to be proactive: acknowledge what’s going on externally, and provide your child with a framework for understanding and responding in a way that aligns with your family’s values.
Communicate openly, using simple language
Start by explaining your family’s decision in a calm, respectful way. You might say something like: “You’ll notice lots of Halloween decorations and parties this month. In our family we choose not to join in for reasons like … and that’s okay.” This gives your child a sense of clarity and permission to ask questions.
Encourage them to talk about how they feel when they see decorations, hear friends discussing trick-or-treating or feel different. Use open-ended questions like: “What do you notice when you walk past the Halloween shop window?” or “How do you feel when friends talk about dressing up this year?” This helps them to label their feelings, and helps you listen actively rather than dismissing their experience.
Validate their feelings around difference and inclusion
It is entirely normal for a child to feel left out or unsure during a time when everyone else seems to be participating in something they aren’t. One helpful approach is to say: “I can see you feel a bit odd when you’re not going to the same party as your classmate. It makes sense when everyone else is talking about it.” This helps them know you recognise their experience rather than sweeping it aside.
Also, highlight that not everyone does things the same way, and that’s perfectly fine. Use statements like: “Lots of families choose different celebrations or no celebrations at all. We choose ours for these reasons.” This builds their internal sense of identity and gives them confidence.
Prepare them for what they’ll see in the community
Because Halloween displays can be intense (costumes, loud music, strobe lights) your child may feel awkward or anxious encountering them, particularly if your family does not participate. Many guides for supporting children in the Halloween season suggest previewing decorations, discussing what they may see and giving them coping strategies.
You might take a walk together in daylight and point out how the decorations are made, emphasise they’re just props. Role-play scenarios like “What if someone asks if you’re dressing up? Here’s how you might respond…” This gives your child tools to interact with the world in a way that feels safe and confident.
Equip your child with confident responses and boundaries
When your child is asked “Why aren’t you dressing up?” or “Are you going trick-or-treating?” it’s helpful if they have a neutral, comfortable response they’ve practiced with you. Something like: “I’m choosing something else this year” or “Our family celebrates differently, but thanks for asking.”
Teaching your child to communicate respectfully but assertively helps with their self-esteem and social confidence. Remind them that their choice is valid, and they don’t need to feel pressured.
If they feel pressure from peers or worry about being left out, discuss and rehearse scenarios with them. Perhaps they might join friends for a non-spooky dress-up, or attend a gathering you approve of, or choose to skip and still join their friends afterward for a snack or movie, or whatever aligns with your family values.
Frame it as an opportunity to build social-emotional skills
While avoiding Halloween may feel like a negative, you can reframe the experience as an opportunity for your child to strengthen resilience, self-awareness and empathy. For example:
They may encounter friends who are celebrating and manage that: “It’s okay, I choose differently.”
They learn to ask questions about others’ traditions and show respect: “That sounds fun, how did you decide your costume?”
They practise assertive communication: sharing their own viewpoint respectfully and listening to others.
These are all key skills in social-emotional learning and child development. Guidance suggests using big feelings, such as disappointment or difference, a chance to model emotional regulation and coping skills.
Stay consistent yet flexible
Consistency is reassuring for children. If your family’s approach is clear and you reinforce it calmly, your child will feel anchored. But flexibility is also important. There may be community events or school situations where your child is surrounded by Halloween themes. Ask ahead, talk with teachers, plan what your child will do. Maybe a school parade is happening and you decide your child can attend in a simple costume without adhering to spooky themes, or you choose to stay out. Either way, your consistent messaging plus occasional flexibility helps the child feel you’re in partnership.
Connect with others and normalise your choice
Your child may worry they’re the only one not doing Halloween. It helps if you give examples of other families who choose differently, if possible, or talk about how traditions around celebrations vary widely. This normalises difference and creates a sense of belonging to a broader community. Encourage your child to talk to friends about what they aredoing rather than what they are not. Shift focus from absent participation to present choices.
Use it as a teachable moment
Every time you see a Halloween display, a friend in costume, or commercial promotions in the supermarket, you’ve got a teachable moment. Ask your child what they notice: “What do you see there? How do you feel? Why do you think some people like it? Why might we do something different?” This nurtures curiosity, perspective-taking and critical thinking. You are modelling how to engage with cultural norms without simply absorbing them, and how to choose based on values.
Look out for subtle stressors or feelings of exclusion
While a decision not to celebrate is healthy, children may still experience subtle stress: feeling “weird”, worrying about missing out, or being asked to explain themselves repeatedly. Be alert for changes in mood, reluctance to talk about friends, or a sense of internal conflict. Validate what is happening and help them process the feelings. Use tools like mindful breathing, journaling or drawing to help them express emotions if words are tricky. Guided coping-skills activities (even ones originally designed for Halloween) can be adapted to support their emotional regulation.
Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce — Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist – With You Allied Health Directors