Navigating Friendships: Supporting Kids and Teens Through Change
Image on Unsplash by Annie Spratt
In Honour of International Day of Friendship – July 30
Friendship is one of the most important relationships we develop in life - and for children and teens, these relationships can be especially powerful. As we celebrate International Day of Friendship on July 30, it's the perfect time to reflect on how friendships evolve, what makes someone a good friend, and how we can support young people in navigating the sometimes messy, emotional, and beautiful world of friendship.
Whether it’s a buddy in the schoolyard or a trusted confidant during the ups and downs of adolescence, friendships shape how children see themselves and relate to others. But friendships don’t always stay the same. Understanding that friendships can grow, shift, or fade is an important part of emotional development - and this awareness can help kids and teens navigate social challenges with more resilience and confidence.
Why Do Friendships Change?
Friendships in childhood often begin with shared play, common interests, or simply being in the same class. As children grow into adolescence, these relationships become deeper and more emotionally nuanced. They begin to prioritise trust, loyalty, shared values, and emotional safety. And during this time, it’s completely normal for friendships to shift.
Friendship changes may occur due to:
Developing identities: As kids learn more about who they are and what they value, they may outgrow friendships that no longer align.
Evolving interests: New hobbies, changing priorities, or simply growing in different directions can naturally shift connections.
New environments: Moving schools, joining new extracurriculars, or transitioning to high school can lead to new social groups.
Emotional growth: As social-emotional skills strengthen, some friendships may feel more supportive, while others may feel limiting or hurtful.
Normalising the idea that friendships ebb and flow helps children and teens feel less anxious when a friendship changes or ends.
What Makes a Good Friend?
International Day of Friendship reminds us of the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to our social connections. For young people, understanding what makes someone a good friend is a powerful foundation for emotional wellbeing and healthy relationship patterns.
Here are some traits to look for in a good friend: (don’t forget that some of these may need clear examples as the concepts can be quite broad to some children)
Kindness: Treats others with care and empathy.
Respect: Understands and honours personal boundaries.
Honesty: Communicates truthfully and openly.
Support: Offers help, encouragement, and emotional backing.
Reliability: Keeps promises and shows up when needed.
Fun and positivity: Enjoys time together in a way that feels uplifting.
Encourage your child or teen to ask themselves:
“Do I feel safe and accepted around this person?”
“Can I be myself without fear of judgement?”
“Do we both make an effort in the friendship?”
“How do I usually feel after spending time with them?”
Teaching children to notice how their body and emotions respond around certain people helps build social awareness and trust in their own instincts.
Red Flags in Friendship
Not every friendship will be a positive one - and that’s okay. But it’s important for kids and teens to recognise when a friendship is causing more harm than good. Common signs of an unhealthy or hurtful friendship include:
Put-downs, teasing, or criticism (even if labelled as ‘jokes’)
Pressure to behave in ways that feel uncomfortable
Jealousy, control, or exclusion
Gossip, manipulation, or dishonesty
Only being around when it’s convenient or beneficial to the other person
Talking about these signs openly - especially around meaningful dates like International Day of Friendship — opens the door for deeper conversations around respect, self-worth, and boundaries.
When Friendships Drift
Some friendships fade gradually rather than end suddenly. One child may move on to new activities or social groups, or simply change their interests. This can be confusing or painful for the other child - especially if they felt the bond was strong.
Helping kids and teens understand that drifting apart doesn’t always mean someone did something wrong allows them to let go of friendships without blame or shame. Explain that change is a natural part of life and that friendships serve different purposes at different times.
Encouraging kindness, closure (when possible), and openness to new connections can help young people transition more gracefully through these shifts.
The Psychological Benefits of Friendship
Friendship isn’t just about fun - it’s vital for mental and emotional health. Strong peer relationships have been linked to:
Improved emotional regulation
Increased self-esteem and confidence
Lower rates of anxiety and depression
Greater school engagement
Stronger resilience during difficult times
Development of empathy, problem-solving, and communication skills
On International Day of Friendship, it’s a good time to reflect not only on our own social bonds, but also how we’re supporting the next generation in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships.
Supporting Children Through Friendship Changes
Here are some practical ways to support kids and teens as they navigate friendship ups and downs:
Normalise changes: Explain that friendships often change and that’s completely okay.
Validate their emotions: Whether they’re sad, hurt, or relieved, all feelings are valid and part of growing up.
Model friendship: Talk about your own friendships - how you work through misunderstandings or choose connections that support your wellbeing.
Encourage boundaries: Help them learn that it’s okay to set limits with friends who aren’t treating them well.
Promote diverse friendships: Encourage children to connect with different people so their social world isn’t reliant on one relationship.
Friendship is a skill, just like reading or riding a bike. With guidance and support, children can learn how to form healthy connections that uplift and sustain them - not just now, but for life.
As we honour International Day of Friendship on July 30, let’s take a moment to appreciate the value of human connection - and recommit to helping our children and teens build friendships that are kind, respectful, and growth-oriented.
Authors: Brodi Killen, Stephanie Mace and Samantha Pearce
Educational and Developmental Psychologists and Counselling Psychologist - With You Allied Health Directors