Helping Your Child Settle Back Into School
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Returning to school after holidays, illness, or routine changes can be challenging for many children. Some children show excitement, while others may feel worried, tired, or reluctant. These responses are developmentally typical and usually improve when children feel safe, prepared, and supported.
The strategies below are drawn from research in child development, psychology, and education.
1. Re-Establish Predictable Routines
Children feel more secure when daily life is predictable. Consistent routines help reduce stress and support emotional regulation.
What parents can do:
Gradually return to school-time bedtimes and wake-up times before school starts.
Keep mornings calm and structured (e.g., same order for getting dressed, breakfast, leaving).
Plan after-school time to include both rest and enjoyable activities.
2. Talk Positively and Realistically About School
Children benefit from honest, balanced conversations that help them know what to expect.
Helpful approaches include:
Talking through the school day (e.g., lessons, playtime, lunch, going home).
Reminding your child of familiar teachers, friends, or routines.
Avoiding negative or anxiety provoking language about school, even unintentionally.
3. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings
Feeling nervous, tired, or unsure about returning to school is common. Children cope better when emotions are acknowledged rather than dismissed.
Try saying:
“It makes sense to feel a bit nervous after a break.”
“Lots of kids feel this way at the start.”
“I’m here to help you figure this out.”
Naming emotions helps children feel understood and builds emotional awareness.
4. Encourage Independence While Staying Supportive
School-age children are developing independence, but still need reassurance from adults.
Parents can:
Encourage children to pack their bag or organise homework with guidance.
Praise effort and problem-solving rather than perfection.
Let children practise coping skills rather than stepping in immediately.
5. Keep Goodbyes Calm and Confident
Children take emotional cues from adults. Calm, predictable goodbyes support smoother transitions.
Helpful strategies:
Use a brief, consistent goodbye routine.
Avoid lingering or returning once you have said goodbye.
Communicate confidence in your child’s ability to manage the day.
6. Support Emotional Regulation and Coping Skills
Children benefit from learning simple strategies to manage worry, frustration, or overwhelm.
Examples include:
Slow breathing or counting breaths.
Talking to a trusted adult at school if they feel stuck.
Using positive self-talk (e.g., “I can handle this”).
Having a clear plan for what to do if they feel worried at school.
7. Stay Connected With the School
Strong communication between home and school helps children feel supported across settings.
Parents are encouraged to:
Share relevant information about changes at home or concerns.
Check in with teachers if difficulties persist.
Work together on consistent strategies if extra support is needed.
8. Allow Time for Adjustment
Settling back into school is a process. Some children adjust quickly, while others need several weeks.
Remember:
Temporary changes in behaviour, sleep, or emotions are common.
Progress may be gradual rather than immediate.
Seek additional support if difficulties are ongoing or intensify.
Key Message for Parents
Children settle best when adults provide consistency, understanding, and confidence. With time, reassurance, and predictable support, most children regain comfort and engagement at school.
Children are highly attuned to the emotional messages communicated by the adults around them. Research shows that children not only hear what parents say, but also interpret tone, body language, and emotional confidence. When parents convey belief in a child’s ability to cope, children are more likely to develop confidence, resilience, and persistence.
Why this matters:
Children use parents as emotional “anchors” when facing new or challenging situations.
When adults appear calm and confident, children’s stress responses reduce.
Trust from adults supports children’s self-belief and willingness to try, even when things feel difficult.
What this looks like in everyday life:
Communicating confidence even when a child feels unsure (e.g., “I know this feels hard, and I also know you can manage it”).
Avoiding over-reassurance or rescuing, which can unintentionally signal that a child is not capable.
Responding to challenges with curiosity and encouragement rather than worry or urgency.
Children do not need adults to remove discomfort; they need adults to trust their capacity to move through it with support. Over time, this trust becomes internalised, strengthening independence and emotional resilience.
Working Together With the School Team
Collaboration between families and school staff is a powerful protective factor for children’s emotional wellbeing and school adjustment. When children see adults communicating and working together, they experience school as a safe, predictable, and supportive environment.
Benefits of teaming up with school staff include:
Consistent expectations and strategies across home and school.
Earlier identification of emerging concerns.
Stronger emotional safety for the child, knowing adults are “on the same team”.
Helpful ways parents can collaborate:
Share relevant information about your child’s strengths, needs, and recent changes.
Communicate early if your child is finding the transition difficult.
Ask about strategies being used at school so they can be reinforced at home.
Approach conversations as a partnership, with shared goals for the child’s wellbeing.
Children benefit most when families and educators work together with a strengths-based, solution-focused approach, recognising that adjustment takes time and support.
Children thrive when they feel trusted, supported, and surrounded by connected adults. Parental confidence and strong collaboration with school staff send a powerful message: “You are capable, and we are here to support you.”
Author: Maria Kazovsky (Educational and Developmental Psychologist)